Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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