stop calling my apartment porn island.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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