She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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