she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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