We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
