My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
