I'm really into asian looking animals
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
