R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
