Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
