Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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