I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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