there's paper in my vomit.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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