Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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