I feel like abortions should bother me more
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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