so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
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