are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
