Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
