dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
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i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
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Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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