My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
soo... how was my night?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
