Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
