if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Define "chronic" masturbator.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
