I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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