I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
