the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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