So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
