I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
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I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
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My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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