A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Randomize
