The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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