he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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