So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
