I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I think a kid would responsible me up
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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