Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Houston, we have a squirter
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
