Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
