Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
