I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
