i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
