I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
