apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
