Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
