And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
