We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
