She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
