Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
