No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
