Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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