He had one of those small greek statue penises
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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