I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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