My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
