His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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