I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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