I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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