Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
