Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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