I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
