Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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