i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
