my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
