The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
