I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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