found the other keg... it's in the tree
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
