Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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