a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
