And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
