i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
