: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Randomize
