Sry I called you an 8
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
