I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
