Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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