okay pat passed out under dana's car
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
