is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
