im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
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