I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I love having hate sex.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
