I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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