so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
