My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
