You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
