U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
