The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
What a dumb baby whore.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
