If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
