i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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