Screwed.edu
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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