What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
