now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
