I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
