We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you win again, gameday.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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